Tuesday, January 17, 2012

When TV teaches...

I may have posted about this before - but recently i spent a few hours one night watching TV cause i couldn't sleep - well, it seemed like each and every episode broke me down and challenged something deep inside my heart that i had been trying to avoid... it was quite annoying really. All i really wanted to do was fall asleep - instead, i was awake a lot longer than i wanted thinking, crying, asking questions - and then watching another episode to try and get my mind off the last one... it turned into quite an evil cycle really.

Needless to say - it's challenged my heart quite a bit. I feel like over the last year i've take a "break" from really challenging myself - growing, changing, asking the hard questions... It's time to start that habit back up. It's time to pony up, bite the bullet, and jump in with both feet to some of the hard things i've been avoiding... SO - here we go.

[here is where i really wanted to post a picture of me biting a bullet - i'll have to take one later - just cause it would bring great delight to my lil heart]

This year i want to be...

that's the plan stan - we'll see how this goes. I've come to realize that i can't rely on my own strength to do these things [i have this realization daily, actually] even the things that seem simple. In my flesh - i fail, but in Christ - i rise to the challenge.

So, here's to trying to blog more, run more, eat healthier, trust more, love more deeply, follow harder after Christ, and live according to the greatness i'm called to.

bring it 2012 - i'm ready.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

a new year - new life

it's 2012... i rang in the new year hanging out with some of my closest friends doing what i love best... drinking coffee, hanging out, being weird, and shooting guns. It was a great weekend... and it helped finish out a long and challenging year..

We decided that spending new years together was forever and always a tradition that every must come to - no matter what... i like that.

Then - today, i got a text finding out that one of my friends got the house they had put in an offer on - it's ridiculously perfect for them... it's fun to see how the Lord blesses people (in strange and easily overlooked sorts of ways)... I'm excited to get to hang out there the next time i travel up north, i'm excited to see them be able to grow as a family in a new space, and i'm excited to see them happy - truly happy.

before 2011 was over i ended up having to have surgery to remove my extremely irritated gallbladder - and the golf ball sized stone that was living inside of it, along with some friends... This was the end of 4 months of severe pain and long nights spent puking without knowing why... i went from having avoided doctors most of my life to visiting them a couple times a month and having all kinds of tests done... it was a great learning experience where i'm sure i grew a lot - but i don't really wanna do it again :)

anyhow - i had a couple weeks where i was stuck in bed recovering and after the drugs wore off and i could think straight again i realized just how much time i spend keeping myself busy by doing pretty much nothing... it was fascinating to me... and yet, didn't really come as that much of a shock once i thought about my surrounding culture. I decided that this year i didn't want to waste time doing nothing - i wanted to do things on purpose, even doing nothing needed to be on purpose. There's so much more i can and will accomplish simply by thinking through my actions (something i don't really like doing much).

So - this year I will be...

there's a lot more to each of those words than what meets the eye - but we can explore them later... but, i'm ready for a new adventure - even if it means staying exactly where i am. i am ready!