words from friend...

i was talking with a friend this weekend. My friend is a missionary who's been working with an AWESOME ministry for the last 20 years. She know's a lot about ministry - and kids - and youth - and loving the Lord. A prayer i have is that someday i will be as knowledgeable and as soft hearted as she is. She seriously loves the Lord - it's so cool to see.

So, we were talking, and catching up, and i got to share a lot about the ministry i've been doing in salem - how i've set up the kids ministry, what all we're doing, my heart behind it, and what i want to do with it in the future... it was fun. Then she gave me one of the biggest compliments i could have gotten. She said that she wished her kids could be a part of my ministry!

man alive - i can't begin to explain what that did for my heart. To hear someone i deeply respect tell me that they wish their kids were in my ministry. It came from just the right person, at just the right moment - and propelled my heart forward... deeper into seeking the Lord and seeking where he's leading me.


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i also had a conversation this weekend with a friend about how we shouldn't shut our hearts off to uncertain situations - but to let them get caught up and feel the outcome, be it pain or joy.

(i was the one saying that you SHOULD let your heart get caught up - who knew i would ever have that conversation).

and let me tell you what - i sure let my heart get involved in this weekend...
- i have things planned out to most likely go back to school full time in the fall and commute from salem - and let my heart freak out a little about how crazy of an idea that is...
- i talked ministry with the Patty's and let my heart yearn for deeply impacting students here, and let it ache that i wasn't overseas yet, and let it ache more that i have no idea when i'll get to go overseas, and let the fire grow to the fact that i'll get to go...
- i saw 2 dear friends that i haven't seen in month's and let my heart feel the tragedy that ripped our community to pieces...
- i watch 2 people get married - and let my heart long to be in a deep and committed loving relationships someday...
- i got to go to church for the first time in months and get fed spiritually - and i opened my heart to the Lord in worship and took Josh's words to heart and let them challenge who i am - and how i relate to the Lord...
- and because i've opened my heart i've dealt with sleepless nights laced with tremors and nightmares...

needless to say - it's been quite the weekend. My heart has felt incredible joy - and immeasurable pain all in a short 48 hours. It has been incredible and cause my heart to long for a much deeper relationship with my Papa - to be able to run to him in my times of pain and to give him praise in the joy.

i'm excited to see where the Lord leads me in this next season.

My part time job...

Ministry. It can never be a part time job if your really into it... with your whole heart. You go home thinking and praying for students, you see things here and there that remind you of new games or get you excited for something new that you could do... it's a great life!

I've been working at my church for 6 months now. It's been an insane ride - so i wanted to share a few stories with ya...

Found: i started a small group for 4th/5th grade girls. I called it found - based off my favorite verse in the bible - Jeremiah 29:12-13. loosely put the Lord says that if you call on the Lord he'll be with you and when you seek him with your whole heart he will be found by you. I love that verse. It comes right after one of my least favorite verses (well, when people take it completely out of context...) jeremiah 29:11 that says that the Lord has good things planned for us... but people stop short and miss the truth that lies in verse 12-13... that he doesn't have good things for us and then just leaves us be... he's got good things planned for us and he's with us the whole way... So anyhow - i started this group to hang out and love on these students. The hope was to show them God's love in a real way - challenge them in their relationships and in their growth into teenagers and just be their friend and be around for questions and help encourage them to deepen their relationship with the Lord.

i started with 4 girls and the most i've had one night was 9... it's been fun. we've laughed, gotten frustrated, went to the mall, i've turned the church into a challenge course, and we've eaten cereal for dinner. The girls are faithful to come and love hanging out and having fun. I'm secretly teaching them about relationships and encouraging them to become Godly women...

Roots: this is our sunday night ministry. The theme is obviously growing deep roots of truth with the kids while they're young. I just started doing kidz church on sunday nights wtih the students and it's been a blast! we do a game, worship, bible lesson, and small group time. The kids are starting to get into the routine and are starting to engage in worship and calm down a little with their small group leaders and are having some fun discussions.

Caley: Caley is my friend amber's daughter - and when i started she was really shy, didn't talk much, and loathed coming to church. 6 months later - caley hangs out at church all the time, volunteers with the preschool/toddler class, has been helping us remodel the rooms and isn't quiet or shy anymore :) i love that kid - it's been so fun to see her grow and come out of her shell. I'm excited to build our friendship deeper and help her get to know her papa...

Summer Events: my church has done VBS for a gazillion years - well, we're not doing it this year :) it didn't fit in with my philosophy of ministry... i thought back to when i was a kid and the fact that i hated going to sunday school and church and vbs and that it was boring and i didn't really get what they were talking about... and then i thought about in high school when i did start to care about Jesus - it wasn't that i just needed to hear the stories again - it was because people were loving me and caring for me - treating me like i mattered... and telling me about jesus at the same time. So- that's my philosophy of ministry. To create an atmosphere where kids know they are unconditionally loved, safe, cared for, and believed in... and teach them about how much their Papa loves them. So - this summer we're doing activities that integrate the families are are made to help teach parents to having fun/spiritual conversation with their kids wherever they are. We went to silver creek falls, we're going to the zoo and the aquarium, we're having some bbq's and live music and we're going to have an epic paint battle... I'm pretty excited about them.

Jenny&Liz: i got 2 college girls that have stepped up big time and have been giving a lot of their time to come help me out. they are small group leaders for the 4th/5th graders, help sing on sunday nights, and have spent a majority of the past few weeks helping me renovate the "drop spot" (where we do kidz church) and are getting stoked to have painting parties when we get the paint for the other 3 rooms. It's fun to see them go from people that sat along the wall and watched the kids to leaders that i can share vision with and that i can leave at the church and know they'll get the task done ( as well as prank my office - but it's probably only fair)...

so - that's a lil snapshot of ministry lately. there's so much more, it's pretty awesome. Tomorrow is my day off - whatever that means - and me and liz are going to buy a new drill so we can be ready for building more stuff for the new rooms and clean the drop spot so it's ready for sunday... i'll have to put up pictures cause it looks REALLY cool!

a little bit down...

Today was the first summer family activity i planned for our kids ministry for this summer. It was a big step of faith... i decided not to do VBS (which the church has done for longer than i've been alive) and plan 5+ fun family days that can be used to help families learn how to have normal spiritual conversations outside of church, how to use naturally occurring learning opportunities, and to have some fun activities to invite their friends with kids to come to that are outside the church walls - to promote relationships and doing life together... rather than church programs.

SO, the last few days have been filled with great ideas, finding awesome things for the drop spot (the room we have kidz-church in sunday night) and creating lots of amazing things and doing them alongside a bunch of people who are passionately investing their time, life, and soul into the kids... it was great. We woke up this morning and kept the adventures going... then people showed up - and explore day was under way... it was a great time! lots of fun and hanging out.... it was sunny - there were 4 families there and we ran into one more that was at the falls on vacation and got to say hi... all in all - i think it was a success!

so - on friday i went out and bought a video camera. I want to get the kids smiles and goofy antics in front of people in the church... a simple reminder that there ARE kids in our church and they having FUN and learning to love one another deeply in the process... and so i bought this video camera and made a quick 2 minute snap shot of the day... it thought it was great for the 2nd video i have ever made... the first was last night... and i proudly ran out and showed it to rob and carolyne and rob liked it - but the other thing he said about it was a snarky remark of "woah, who the heck was in charge of taping - that's WAY too fast and jerky"

it's my first time using a video camera dude... i use to stills - it doesnt' matter how fast you move....

so - needless to say - i'm feeling a bit down. i just wanted a little affirmation - a quick "nice work, that's awesome!" just a little something encouraging me to continue my work... but oh well... But - here's the video for you all to see... not cause i am fishing for a little bit of affirmation - but because i want to share my life with you - share my ministry - share the smiles and joy and jesus that i see in these kids faces :) enjoy! (oh, and make sure you watch it the whole way to the end!)

a weekend of learning

well, this weekend was one of our quarterly staff retreats. it was quite the learning experience.
i learned that sun-river is beautiful
i learned that caves are dirty
i learned that stalagtites are slimy (and hurt a lil when you run into them)
i learned that directions aren't always accurate
i learned that getting lost is fun with friends
i learned that hard alcohol acts differently than wine
i learned that i need to take my contacts out more often
i learned that rob loves me - no matter what
i learned that amber cares deeply for me
i learned that it's important to face truth - no matter how hard it is.

as i was hiding outside - reeling in the embarrassment of my actions wondering if anyone even knew i was outside - rob come out to find me, wraps his arms around me, and tells me he loves me - no matter what. Then he slowly walked me closer to the door - closer to facing the fear of being rejected or judged - and the truth that him and amber love me, care about me, and won't leave me because i'm stupid. it was one of the hardest things i've done in a while - but as rob walked inside - reached out his hand for me to take it and follow him inside i was instantly greeted by amber giving me a big long hug: that's one of those experiential learning moments that i wont be quick to forget. i might need a reminder here or there - another hand reached out waiting for me to take it - but in that moment i got a glimpse at the unconditional love of my earthly "father" and my heavenly father.

bottle of coke: $ 3.00
fifth or rum: $12.00
knowing your unconditionally loved: priceless.

A new friend. A new family. A new hurt.

It's been a while since i posted. it just happens sometimes i guess. So take this post with a grain of salt - and maybe re-read things a few times - cause there's a lot stuck in my head from the past few weeks.

Well, there's been a lot going on at work, in my heart, in my head... God has been working in my life and in the lives around me.

One of the biggest things is that my newest friendship is quickly becoming a very deep and very meaningful big sister. Once again the Lord has placed someone right where i need them the most - and someone that just naturally pushed me to grow and open my heart more to them - and to the Lord. The last few weeks have been full of conversations about me pulling away, covenant community, and a culmination of her saying "i'm taking you into my family wether you like it or not" and me knowing that she meant it. It's been a fun couple days talking about the covenant relationship that God had with israel, and that he still has with us. The fact that his own son was taken into an earthly family through adoption and that he was put into a family line or broken messed up people. Flushing out what it means to be a "family" and musing over how complicated and un-loving we've made christianity in america. And a few days of finding that i actually like reading the bible (the message translation) for the first time ever - that it's stirring my heart in new ways in the very opening lines of the old and new testament.

Today we talked about families - and how Christ was adopted into the line of david - and how his "family" wasn't his nuclear/biological family. My friend expressed how beautiful it was that we're adopted into God's covenant just as Christ was - that if we look at it biblically "family" is anything BUT a nuclear family complete with mom, dad, and 2.5 kids. She talked about how comforting that is - and how beautiful it is to think that people without loving nuclear families shouldn't fret because they have so much more...

... but my heart broke as she spoke those words. as much as i wanted to believe it - and as much as i've experienced bits and pieces of that truth as i've walked through life - it doesn't really penetrate to the deepest parts of my heart. No matter how much a family tries to step in and take me as one of them - there's always a separation of how people treat their biological family and their adopted family. I'm not talking about when parents adopt children - i'm talking foster kids, abandoned, abused, and orphaned kids. There are so many preconceived notions about things that could happen in those relationships. That the kids are broken, and have poor boundaries, and that they're more likely to be taken advantage of.... there are huge walls that are put up in between the hearts of the children and the people who attempt to love them.

but it doesn't have to be that way. right? how can we step out of the box that american culture has put us in. To think of family, true family, as more than just our parents and siblings, and to love the abused, orphaned, and abandoned as our own. What would it take to open our hearts enough to the broken people that they'll feel loved - without a doubt - and they'll be able to learn to trust. To show them what love and grace and family really means?

a video.

So, as i drove up to Govy this last weekend to shoot a wedding i had a lot going through my head. Most of my friends were heading to Yakima and getting to spend time with our friends up there whom i miss so much - i was thinking through the last year and everything that has happened - and while that was all going on i was stuck listening to the radio (my ipod input doesnt work anymore and i was tired of the one CD i have in the car) and they happened to be interviewing Steven Curtis Chapman. He was talking about the ministry he's been doing and everything that the Lord has been doing through his family's life after the loss of his daughter. He talked alot about adoption and other things and throughout the interview they played cinderella (a song that almost always makes my face leak) and then they talked about how he got asked to be a part of third day's new music video for Children of God. I thought it was REALLY cool. Since i found out my dad died i've been struggling through feeling alone, without a family, and really needing a dad to just give me a big hug and let me know i'm loved and safe. So i went and watched the video today as i was messing around before church... and it made my face leak! seriously - this video is an amazing picture of God's love for us - how he's adopted us into his family - how we are called to love one another unconditionally like our father loves us - and a huge reminder to me that i'm not alone - that i have a huge family of people who love me deeply and even though they're not a biological family like some people get to have, they love me just as much. So, i just thought i'd share that with all of you :) enjoy.

that time again!

So, life popped back up again - with all it's emotions and awesomeness and pain and fun and worry and well, you get the picture. So, i met with my "kids ministry team" last night... 3 out of the 4 girls that i picked to help me out showed up and i shared vision with them about what i want our ministry to look like, what i'm expecting from them, and what all we needed to work on. It was amazing! Then i went to the young adult bible study small group thingy that our youth pastor is leading (which is always really awkward and not all that cool) but i noticed that because i had just been planning ministry and sharing vision and doing all those things that my heart longs for and has been too afraid to do - i was in a totally different mood during bible study. i talked, i shared, i thought through stuff, i actually learned something  - which in past weeks i've have had a bad attitude about and so i havn't learned anything at small group. It was fun. 

then last night as i slept i had a whole littany of dreams that tore me down, made me feel like a loser and that i couldn't do my job and that i wont be able to pull anything off and you know - blah blah blah satan's lies... yeah, that happened. 

So, i got to work at was messing around and realized that i should blog - cause i havn't done that in a long time and missed getting things out and being real and knowing that i'm somehow still sharing life with my friends. so here it is. 

i'm in ministry - it's growing and people are getting excited - and i'm freaked out and a little bit scared all at the same time!