So, are you ready for this - seriously, you should probably be sitting down -
i'm avoiding my homework.
anyhow - i'm trying to avoid math homework - because i have like 20 word problems to solve - and history - cause i just don't want to read right now... anyhow - i figured i'd blog a little and at least attempt to be somewhat productive with my time...
So, tomorrow - i'm starting my 4th/5th grade girls group... i'm excited, nervous, scared, anxious, exhilirated, and overwhelmed - to name a few.
working at a church - in and of itself - has been quite the stress inducer ever since the tragic parting of core life... and this group is going to bring up even more - i'm sure. One of the major wounds from "that other church" was the jr.high group. I was leading the jr.high group and then i went to europe - and then all of a sudden i wasn't allowed to do ministry anymore. it was said that i had nothing worthwhile to say to jr.highers (amongst other things)... needless to say - i was pretty crushed as far as ministry goes.
so - i started at this church and got a solid group of 4th/5th grade girls just dumped in my lap - eager, energetic, ready to learn, full of questions, and completely bored with the 4th/5th grade sunday school class - so it was a pretty simple choice. start a small group just for them where they can be real, learn to be godly girls, and have a blast.
I've been completely pumped about this - building relationships with the girls (one girl went from complaining about having to go to church, to making sure someone would be home to drive them to church in just a few shorts weeks), planning fun activities, reading through curriculum, and figuring out how to build a special/safe place for the girls. Then last night it all caught up with me: satan started kicking me in the shins and knocking me to the ground. I started feeling completely overwhelmed, believing lies, feeling like i shouldn't be leading anyone, and just wanting to hide in a hole...
then, today during church i was playing drums and Rob started talking in the middle of one of the songs about this ministry next door to us that helps the "street kids" (the ones who've been abandoned and tossed aside) find new life in christ - and then he told the whole church how he had been involved in a ministry just like that and that one of the kids was sitting behind the drum set. it was a pretty sobering reminder that i didn't get myself to this place, i'm not the one who changed my heart, i'm not the one who'll be speaking truth to the darkest places of these students lives, and i'm not the kid who believes lies anymore...
so - that's all. i'm super stoked for this ministry - and it's going to be awesome - the Lord is going to do big things in this church, i'm sure of it. so, if you think about it every monday from 4-6 i'll be meeting with my girls, telling them truth of who they are in christ, and helping them learn to grow up seeking the Lord - if you could pray for girls and for me (that i'd be open and willing to be completely real with the girls) i'd be stoked.