it's about time i've blogged again...
the last few days have been rough - and by rough i mean, i've had a couple of the hardest days i can remember (seriously). The kicker is that it's been because things are going good. I was fighting hard - believing truth, my girls group is amazing, my work at the church is gaining momentum, things are changing, people are getting on board, it looks like the church itself is moving forward - we've been talking about moving to sunday nights - which will drastically change the contemporary service and how many people we can reach with it... thing are going good - the Lord is doing big things in Salem in and through and around me -
and then satan got pissed.
i had been sleeping - the nightmares came back
i had been believing truth - the lies started SCREAMING at me
i had been happy - i stopped being able to think straight
i could concentrate - i feel like i'm stuck in a fog
i was opening up and being vulnerable with a new friend - i started being afraid
i hate it. there have been day's when i don't even want to get out of bed... i'm scared to death to go to bed, but i feel like i can't handle the day... i completely believe the truth that i'm worth a lot, that i'm a beloved child, that i'm valuable - but i just have this heaviness weighing me down and it's easier to believe the lies than to fight for the truth sometimes...
and then i feel like a failure.
i want the Lord to be able to work through me. To use me to further the kingdom. To use my story/my pain to bring light and life to others.
I'm not exactly sure where i was going with all this - i just felt like i needed to tell someone - and since it's after midnight - it goes here. so, there ya have it.