Saturday, March 5, 2011

sounds to feelings

It is amazing what sounds and sights can do to take you back to an exact moment or a series of moments from the past. I just got back from a church "ministry summit" we spent the weekend talking about personality types and how to work with other ppl - basically how to help our church catch up with the change that's happening and how we should field their emotions and reactions to be the most loving and helpful that we, as leadership, can be. So i get home, completely wiped, my brain is spent - all of a sudden everyone is gone and i'm left at home with no car and so what do i do... watch bones of course.

i turn on an episode and as soon as the intro credits and theme song start playing i'm instantly sitting in the Bertz's living room, AC on, looking out into the summer heat, recovering from an exhausting but awesome week of camp, sipping on some coconut ice tea, and prepping to go back and do camp all over again. In a split second my thoughts, fellings, and emotions are all swept back to this summer (when me and sarah spent our weekends catching up on the first 4 seasons of bones during our few precious hours off each weekend).

This isn't the first time this has happened. If i hear a Rodney Atkins song, i'm instantly in my car, driving with the windows down and the smell of the northwest summer air coming in my windows as i'm driving down 84. (i drove from gresham to multnomah a lot one summer). The smell of campfire smoke takes me right back to summer camp when i was a kid at camp Lutherlyn sitting on a bench out by the lake, knowing that i was, at least momentarily, safe and cared for for the first time in my life. When i smell popcorn i'm instantly back to the JamHouse from highschool, where i hung out with college kids till 3 or 4 in the morning playing Euchre ... those are some of the happy ones, not all of those "instant trips down memory lane" are quite as happy. There are words, smells, sights, and emotions that take me right back to when i was a kid, sitting the woods crying because my brother beat me and there was no one to take care of me, when i was curled up on the floor between my bed and the wall hidden underneath some blankets while my cousin talked his way out of getting caught molesting me, spending hours in my car driving around avoiding going "home" to a place where i would be abused and abandoned...

the way the Lord has built us, to remember - not only with thoughts but with feelings, smells, sights - it is so amazing. Even in times where it hurts like hell - there are times when it is so precious to have those memories come fleeting back - campfires are my favorite, to instantly be reminded that i am safe and deeply loved by my papa, and that he has big plans for my life - it is such a precious gift that the Lord has given us...

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